Scars
by IceTrekkie
Summary: After being rescued from Somalia Ziva was denied return to NCIS but was able to stay in America yet not all scars are completely visible.Tiva!
1. Chapter 1

**Well this is my first attempt at an NCIS fic so I'll give it my best shot. My exams just finished and I needed something to centre my mind, enjoy!**

**After being rescued from Somalia Ziva was denied return to NCIS but was able to stay in America yet not all scars are completely visible.**

Ziva sat in a huddle in the corner of the sleazy motel bathroom. Her stomach ached from the retching and she was unable to gather enough strength to reach for some water and rinse the foul taste from her mouth. She looked down at her slightly rounded stomach and for what seemed like the hundredth time questioned her decision to do this. She was alone, scared and there was no one she could turn to. After a brief reunion with her teammates at NCIS which grew cold at an alarming rate she had felt almost forced to leave. She didn't even get a chance to apologise to Tony and they didn't want to see her anymore she knew that much.

They hated her for what she had done to Tony, the pain she had caused him, and she hated herself for it to. 'I am worthless' she thought 'I do not even think I am fit to be a mother'. Ziva was scared out of her wits not knowing how her baby would turn out. She didn't know the father as a lot of her memories from Somalia were blurry and mixed. Every day a constant stream of unanswered questions plagued her. Would the baby become like its father? Was she going to be able to raise it? Would she look into its eyes for the first time and see one of her many attackers? All she knew when she found out her condition was that she couldn't get rid of it.

'The baby has already fought for survival against all odds, who am I to make that effort wasted?' Ziva had mused, no one knew and it tore her up inside. The reality of it was her decision to have this baby was in fact pushing her further away from ever being able to see her teammates again, and Tony. 'Things had been going so well with Tony before the situation with Michael' she thought 'while my feelings for him would always have to remain hidden it was nice just to be close enough' It was only thanks to her Mossad training that she was able to keep them separate from her old job.

Her lack of job was another issue as she now had no source of income, no family ties, no one to rely on and people didn't exactly want to hire a pregnant woman. As she began to heave again tears poured down her face. If anyone else had been there she would have blamed it on the hormones, or that her body was still not healed but in truth she cried for the misery of her situation and the hopeless outlook of her life and the life she was bringing into the world against her better judgment.

**I know it's short and really angsty but they will get longer and hopefully more cheerful. I should be uploading a much longer second chapter today or tomorrow, this was just to set the scene! Please read and review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well I got loads of story alerts but no one reviewed it . So could we try for some reviews this time possibly? Anyone can but please enjoy the next chapter…..**

Tony sat at his desk in the oddly deserted ball pen his eyes fixated on the empty desk opposite him. There was a huge hole in the team and it was felt by every member but especially Tony.  
>'I wish I had been able to talk to Ziva' he mused for what the felt like the hundredth time 'Come on Tony' he shook himself 'You've done nothing wrong, it's Ziva who made the decision to stay away from you' yet as much as he seemed to try he could not shake the hole from his heart any more than he could move the moon.<p>

Ziva awoke to the harsh sunlight beating through the dirty window. She was not sure at what point during the night she had made it out of the bathroom but she was glad that she no longer felt the extreme nausea. After having been locked in Saleem's dark hideout for so long she thought sunlight should be blessing but it was just a reminder that she was supposed to have died. She knew it was why her father chose her for that mission, he saw her as a disgrace to the family name she was sure and to a certain extent she wanted to die too.  
>If it had not been for the tiny life inside of her she would have killed herself by now and she knew it but the ever growing ball of cells inside of her provided a glimmer of hope that something good was going to come in the end, she hoped.<br>Ziva dragged her exhausted form from the rickety bed and back into the bathroom to try and freshen up. With little money and no possessions she was living in some borrowed clothes which had been left at the motel from previous occupants. She glanced in the mirror at her reflection and almost did a double take. While most of the swelling from her face had gone down her eyes were accompanied by huge dark bags, her eyes themselves seemed fed up and lifeless. The clothes she was wearing hung off the starved parts of her thin frame and made her small bump look like the only healthy part of her. Ziva pushed her hair out of her face with an old elastic band she had found trying to improve on her look. She sighed as she realised all it did was make her face look thinner and even less stomach groaned as she realised she had not eaten a decent meal in far too long. She vaguely remembered something the woman at the front desk had gabbled at her last night about a complimentary breakfast for guests but in her tired state Ziva had not really acknowledged much of what the woman had said. Taking a last look in the mirror Ziva left the room to find her much needed breakfast.

McGee walked into Abby's lab and was surprised to be met with music even louder than usual he had been expecting no music due to Ziva's absence. With the Caf-Pow clutched in one hand he approached Abby who was bending over her microscope. Her stance seemed to suggest she was stressed but when she turned on his approach her expression seemed to lean slightly more towards anger than anything else.

"McGee" she greeted shortly

"Hey Abby, are you alright?"

"Fine" she snapped "Why wouldn't I be? I mean it's not like you and Tony just risked life and limb to save a woman who doesn't trust us and has now left without a single word" McGee took a step back just in case she started to throw things.

"Well maybe she doesn't know quite what to say" McGee was more worried about Ziva's reaction to her rescue than anything else. Normally if something went badly wrong she just acted like it had never happened but after something so traumatising she had just been left on her own and he was worried about her.

"Well she should still be making an effort after all she put Tony through"

"Abby you didn't see her" Tim said quietly "She wasn't herself and I think more went on than we know about especially now she has been rejected by both her father and NCIS" Abby's eyes flashed dangerously.

"Are you defending her? After what you had to go through to find her?"

"I don't know" Tim said honestly "I'm saying we need to look at this from all perspectives, Tony clearly is not the only one hurting" Abby's shoulders slumped in defeat

"Where is she McGee?"

"I don't know Abs" he drew her into a hug "I don't know"

The complimentary breakfast had turned out to be bordering on a health hazard but Ziva ate it anyway. Bland and boring it had not done much to alleviate her hunger and she definitely was no closer to getting back her old figure. She was walking up and down the streets of DC in the hope of finding a job but she was ignored by the majority of passers-by. She had not been in this area of DC before and despite her training Ziva felt on edge. Whether it was due to her lack of back up, single weapon or that she was now protecting two lives she had no idea she was just glad she did not stand out.

She spotted a small diner on the corner of the street which said 'staff needed'. With no alternatives she walked in but not before catching a glimpse of the top of the NCIS building in the distance, her heart panged for the life she had once had.

"Can I help you Miss?" A tall man with dark hair stood behind the counter looking at her. It was not a scrutinizing gaze but one that held warmth.

"I am here to apply for a job" The man smiled and introduced himself.

"I'm John Walters I own this place with my wife Holly but she doesn't work at the moment" his eyes seemed to light up at her inquiring glance. "She's just had our first baby" Ziva looked at the barely contained man in front of her who was so excited over his new baby and her stomach dropped as she realised that something like that would never happen to her.

"My name is Ziva David" she managed "I am in desperate need of this job" it pained her to say that but her pride was not important right now.

"Do you have any type of training, qualification that sorta thing?" he asked

"Well I, grew up in Israel and was educated there but I am a former Mossad officer and I worked at NCIS for several years"

"And now you want to work in my greasy diner?" he said in a disbelieving tone

"Yes, there was a situation and now I am alone and" she took a deep breath of air "pregnant with no support" Immediately his eyes softened.

"I'll take you on" he said "the pay will not be great but I promise no awkward questions. Pregnancy was scary for both my wife and me so I can't imagine you having to do it on your own"

Ziva breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you, you have no idea how much this means to me"

"Don't mention it" John smiled "Are you able to start now as we are about to open and I'll take you through the basics?" Ziva nodded

"Let's get cracking then"

**Ok I don't normally get two chapters up in the same day and I live in Britain which will make some odd updating times if you live in America or anywhere that isn't Europe so bear with me. Remember that little blue button makes me smile ,**


	3. Chapter 3

**This is the most reviews I have ever received this early on in a story so please keep it up. I have just come back from a 3 day Geography residential in Birmingham and I'm now ill Hope this lives up to all your expectations.**

Ziva dragged herself back to the seedy motel after her first day in John's diner. The work had been boring and tiring but as a staff bonus with every shift they were given a meal. Only one other person worked there besides John was a slightly older man who she had seen very little of and he seemed like a very private person. Ziva gazed down at her growing stomach and stroked it gently; she hoped she would be able to bring her baby into the world with at least some form of support.

John had been very accommodating with her. He had taken her through everything slowly and had allowed her just enough time to rest. As she collapsed onto the threadbare sheets of her rickety bed she sighed, no matter how nice John was and how hard she tried she could not forget her old life.

'Just another day in the office' Tony thought to himself as he sat in the bull pen. Gibbs was hiding out in MTAC and McGee was down with Abby. A few months ago he would have spent his time annoying Ziva, getting on her nerves but to be honest it just made him enjoy her company. The cases they worked no longer seemed to interest him they seemed so inconsequential without Ziva there to help bring justice forward. The team dynamic had disappeared and they were less of a family than ever. All Tony wanted was to see Ziva again, talk to her one more time, find some kind of closure to the situation at hand. In a split second anger coursed through his body at his inability to move on and at her for causing it yet try as he might beneath his confident exterior he could never be angry with her for long. He could keep his emotions in check when he was under interrogation, being attacked, life or death situations but the minute it came to Ziva every ounce of emotional rationality he possessed went flying out the window.

'I have to see her' he thought 'I need to see her to get an explanation for the pain she seems intent on causing me' but deep down he knew the real reason was because he was worried about her as she had never been one to run away from adversity , she normally faced it with her ninja skills and sharp wit.

'Tonight' he decided 'I'll stop by her apartment tonight!'

The familiar feeling of nausea passed in waves over Ziva's body as she found herself hunched over the ceramic bowel yet again. Her dinner had consisted of some bread and jam which she had bought from the convenience store just down the road; it was all she could afford. Ziva again was frightened and still trying not to admit it to herself. If she could barely afford to feed herself how would she look after a baby? There were so many things a baby needed and while she now had a job she was paid weekly and would still have to feed herself. She was living in a motel for crying out loud! How was she supposed to raise a child in a motel? Ziva felt the tears return to slip down her cheeks, she was so tired of fighting. She no longer wanted to live; the little life inside her would not have a good life as she could not provide for it.

'I am a failure' Ziva thought 'As a mother, a daughter, a team member, an assassin, I should have died!' She laughed aloud but it held no warmth it was cold and bitter 'and now I do not even have the courage to do the decent thing and end my life' she hit the wall next to the toilet in frustration as tears continued to make their tracks down her pale cheeks.

All of sudden she felt something; she gasped and placed her hand on her belly. All was still for a moment when it happened again. Ziva's pulse sped up as she pressed her hand tighter against her stomach trying to figure out what was wrong when she felt the sensation for the third time against her hand. Then it dawned on her, her baby was kicking. Ziva applied slightly more pressure to her bump and got the same response and for the first time in what felt like years she smiled a genuine smile. The tears continued to fall but it was for the joy of being able to connect with her baby than because of the severity of her situation.

"Are you ok in there" she whispered to her bump "Mummy's going to sort everything out, don't worry" she soothed while rubbing her hand in a slow circular motion and it was then she felt the strongest kick of all. Ziva realised that her baby depended on her to make this right but much more than that. Despite her small size and ignorance of the outside world Ziva knew her baby on some level believed in her.

Darkness had settled as Tony made his way up the stairs to Ziva's apartment. With every step he took memories assaulted him of the closeness they used to share, their movie nights and friendly dinners. It seemed such a long time ago to him he reached Ziva's door and knocked quietly. He heard a moment of shuffling and a middle aged man opened the door.

"Can I help you?" he asked after enduring Tony's bewildered stare for a minute

"I'm looking for Ziva David"

"Who?"

"She lives here"

"Spells her name like Dave-id?" Tony nodded

"Yeah she doesn't live here any longer, couldn't keep up with the rent or something after a holiday whatever, sorry"

" 's no problem" Tony countered but as the door shut his mind was reeling, where was Ziva?

**Make a sick girl happy an review her story This is more of a filler chapter, I promise it will get more interesting in the next one!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the long wait for the update. Thank you for all the reviews they made me feel a lot better. Still got a cold but hey life goes on! Keep up the reviews 3**

Tony sat at his desk in the bull pen staring off into space, he just didn't understand it. Having found Ziva no longer at her apartment because she wasn't keeping up with the rent worried him. She had been dismissed from NCIS soon after her arrival back in the states and she wouldn't have had a chance to find a place.

'What if she's homeless' he thought 'and she doesn't even have a job!'

"HEY DINOZZO" McGee's shout cut through his panicked thoughts

"WHAT?" he yelled back

"I've been trying to get you attention for five minutes"

"What do you want?" Tony snapped. McGee's face tightened and Tony sighed

"I'm sorry I'm stressed, what is it?"

"I was going to ask if you'd spoken to Ziva recently"

"No" Tony replied shortly and then sighed again "I went to her apartment last night and it turns out she no longer lives there, something about rent"

"That's weird"

"You think McGee!" ignoring Tony's sarcasm McGee continued

"Where would she be, she doesn't know anyone other than us and" he paused as the possible reality of Ziva's situation crashed upon him "and she doesn't have a job" Tony nodded as Gibbs walked into the bull pen

"Gibbs we may have a problem" McGee announced, Gibbs just looked at him expectantly

"Today McGee"

"It's Ziva"

Ziva looked out of the diner window and watched as the world went passed. Absentmindedly her hand drifted down to her rounded stomach and stroked it softly and smiling when she felt the gentle kick greet her movements. It had become something of a comfort to her whenever the day got tough which was often. Her shifts in the diner were long despite the breaks and her feet got sore to match her aching back and she wasn't even too big yet.

She sighed as she gazed up at the NCIS building in the distance, her family were all there probably working on a case. With Gibbs drinking the world's supply of coffee, Abby being as eccentric as possible, Ducky talking to the body and Tony annoying McGee as though there was no tomorrow. Tony.

'He probably wouldn't even give me a second look now' Ziva thought miserably 'I am damaged goods, I come with too much baggage' her shoulders slumped. For some reason which she was unable to place she felt like she was being watched but she knew there was just John and Tyler the other waiter who would soon be starting his shift. Deciding her senses were just working in overdrive thanks to a stream of awful nightmares followed by sleepless nights she hauled herself up and began to clear away some tables trying not to cringe at the smell of the left overs. Her pregnancy seemed to have heightened her sense of smell which was not good for her new line of work.

'It probably would not have helped when dealing with dead bodies either' she thought trying to stay positive. She was so deep in thought she turned too fast and bumped into Tyler.

"Woah, Sorry" the dishes clattered to the floor and Ziva grabbed the table to steady herself. After regaining her balance she realised that Tyler had a hold of her upper body in what she gathered was an attempt to steady her but there was something off about his grip.

"You ok?" His voice was low and gravelly; Ziva looked and met his eyes which seemed completely black.

"Yes I am sorry I was not paying attention"

"Don't worry" he shrugged off with a smile which didn't quite reach his eyes and then bent down to start clearing up the mess. An awkward silence settled over the pair and Ziva stuggled to meet is eyes.

"Well I better be getting back" Ziva gestured awkwardly

"Yeah" Tyler nodded though continued looking at her as she backed off into the kitchen to collect her things. As Ziva walked she could feel his eyes on her and it was making her uneasy. Before Somalia and the baby she would not have had any worry about her capabilities to defend herself but after being so easily subjected to torture and also carrying another life inside her made her feel very on edge. Shaking it off as her pregnancy hormones she shook the feeling off and left the diner, if she had turned round she would have seen the malicious pair of eyes burning a hole in the back of her head from inside the diner.

Abby was freaking out. It wasn't her normal 'I've overdosed on caffeine in a stressful situation' freak out either it was bordering on full blown hysteria. She paced four steps in her lab back and forth continuously as she tried her hardest not to yell too loud.

"It's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault" she repeated over and over praying that if she said it enough everything would get better and the past couple of months would just rewind and she could start again.

McGee walked out of the elevator with his normally calm face set in a deep frown. He was worried about Ziva because, if he was completely honest with himself, ever since she had been dismissed from NCIS she had been a nagging worry at the back of his mind that he hadn't really been able to address properly. He paused in the doorway to Abby's lab and watched her pace in distress. His heart felt heavier all of a sudden as he remembered how cold Abby had been towards Zva after the initial hug.

Abby was so stressed she didn't even see McGee watching her.

"Abby!" McGee called over her chanting. Her head snapped up and her gaze pierced McGee's eyes and her bottom lip started to wobble. In three quick strides he was encompassing her in a tight hug which she returned full force both drawing comfort from the other.

They stood that way for a while and it wasn't long before Tim noticed a slight damp appearing on his shoulder but it didn't bother him, she needed this as much as he did.

"Why didn't we think before we just let her go McGee?" Abby whispered "Why?" McGee was torn between two answers, if only for a second, the truth and what she wanted to hear.

"Because we forgot just what she'd been through because she had hurt Tony" and as much as they both wanted it to be for some other reason they knew it was the truth.

As the night drew in a shadowed figure stood at the back of a dark alley pulling out his phone. To the untrained eye he would have been practically invisible which suited his purpose well. He dialed a number with a practiced ease and raised the phone to his ear. A muffled 'speak' on the other end of the line greeted him and he almost whispered his reply.

"It's definetly her"

"You're sure" the muffled voice sounded excited

"I'm certain"

"You know what to do, she's had this coming to her for a long time"

"Too long" the man agreed and hung up. As he pocketed his phone a evil sneer graced his features. 'Yes' he thought 'She has had this coming to her for far to long'

**I could give you some long winded, not entirely truthful explanation for the lack of updates but it would not be a good idea. How about you review and tell me how much you hate me and jus slide in a little bit of what you thought about the story? :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I hope people are still reading this and I am sorry for the long wait for this chapter. As some of you may know if you have read my profile is that my beloved dog died about two months ago and it hit me really bad at the time but I had a bit of a breakdown two weeks ago because it really hit me bad. Once I was finally able to start typing it out my laptop crashed and lost all of it. I am sorry for the wait but please don't hate on me for it. Happy Reading!**

**Ok I may not have made this clear before but if you re-read chapter 1 Ziva is pregnant from Somalia, sorry I didn't make that clearer! **

Tony walked slowly down the streets of downtown DC with his mind bubbling with worry. They had been unable to find any trace of Ziva and Tony was trying not to panic. The only piece of good news they had had, which wasn't even that good, was that she had not been checked into any hospitals but all that said to Tony is that she could be alone, cold, unable to move, or worse dead.

He shook his head violently trying to get thoughts and images of a dead Ziva out of his mind. He could feel the guilty butterflies circling in his stomach as he knew it was his fault in the end. He was her partner; he was supposed to have her back no matter what. Instead he had killed her boyfriend, let her get tortured, and then ignored her pain. He hated himself for not paying more attention to her when she came back because he was so wrapped up in being angry at her for not forgiving him. The worst part of it was that he had looked at her and he had just shoved it aside in his mind because he wanted her to feel guilty about what she had put him through.

'I was so selfish' he thought 'How on earth did I think that the amount of pain she had caused me was so much more than what she had just been through?'

The look in her eyes had been haunting him every waking second and most of the sleeping seconds as well. He had always known Ziva's eyes to burn with a passion and a fire whether she was yelling at him or interviewing a suspect or even when it was just working a crime scene. When Saleem had ripped the bag off of Ziva's head it was the first thought that came to the front of his mind 'maybe she really is dead'. He had wanted to make Saleem suffer so much more than a quick shot to the head. He had wanted to make him feel pain for extinguishing the seemingly invincible fire but it was all over in a matter of seconds.

He had hoped that after she was rescued, when she was back at NCIS and surrounded by her friends and family again she would get some of her spark back but there was nothing, she was a shell of the person she had once been and it killed him to see her like that. He loved her and that was the final knife in the wound for him. He loved her more than he loved his playboy lifestyle, Jeanne, everything but he still let her go. He had worked so hard every day to keep his feelings hidden as he thought in the end they would get together he thought it was inevitable. His mind flashed back to Ziva saying 'Nothing is inevitable' and he felt a single tear roll down his cheek and saw it hit the sidewalk. He raised his hand up to his cheek and felt the damp skin. For a second he was puzzled. He had not cried since he was 7 years old.

He remembered that day like the back of his hand because it was when his father had yelled at him about crying not being 'acceptable for a DiNozzo'. His father had hit him which in the end had only made him cry harder but little Anthony DiNozzo Jr had vowed from that day never to shed another tear so his dad would love him. Tony let out a harsh, joyless laugh

"Well that worked didn't it" he yelled out in frustration kicking the sidewalk to vent his feelings. He groaned as the pain swept through his toes but he didn't care. He had arrived back at his car but as he looked at it he realised there was something wrong. It was surrounded by glass which, upon closer inspection had come from the windscreen. His beloved car had been smashed, interior ripped out and the radio stolen.

Gibbs worked harder on his boat channelling his pent up anger into his back and forth motions. Not even stopping to draw breath he moved the sand paper back and for the back and forth. His vision was blurring slightly around the edges but he kept on. He wanted to work away the pain he was feeling, the hopelessness, the failure but he knew deep down it would never go away. Ziva had a father but he was supposed to be her father figure as Eli was too caught up in Mossad to give a damn, yet he had let her down. Of all the people that should have stopped her from going, offered her a place to stay until she got her life sorted out it should've been himself.

"I've failed" he thought bitterly "We are the most alike people on the whole of the team, she has always kept everything private like I do, I should've noticed!"

In a sudden move he chucked his sanding block across the room, it wasn't enough. He shoved over a work table spilling varnish and paint brushes all over the floor then slammed his fist on the boat in frustration. He went to hit again but stopped short his fist hanging above the cursive letters spelling out the name of his dead daughter. Kelly, whom he had been unable to protect, whom he had failed. He extended his hand and touched it softly almost lovingly and felt the familiar pang of loss. A look of determination swept over his face. He would not lose another daughter.

Tony walked drunkenly down a road, unsure of where he was. He was supposed to be following directions to a motel but he wasn't even sure which way was up.

"Well this is all rather odd" he stated slurring his words together "Do I go left or right" a watery smile appeared on his face "Ziva would know" he announced proudly to a passer-by "Ziva knows everything" The man walked on and Tony started hopping on the spot. A dog barked somewhere in the distance taking Tony by surprise and he fell.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmm" he tried to get up but his vision made the world shift violently so instead he looked up and saw an old barely lit sign saying 'Murray's Motel'. "AH HA" Tony pulled himself up and walked in.

"I would like a room please madam" he said to the man standing behind the desk. The man simply bared a painful smile and asked that he sign the register while he fetched a key. For a small while Tony tried to figure out how to spell his name and when he finally remembered he slowly began writing it, trying and failing to keep it between the lines. Just as he had finished he lowered his gaze down the rest of the list laughing at all the surnames.

"Cotsweiler, Borgess, Cheny" he mumbled to himself, chuckling quietly when he suddenly sobered up. "David" he checked the first name 'Ziva', Tony blinked.

"Why isn't that a coinkydink?" he said soberly before passing out in a heap on the floor.

**I honestly have no idea if that is how a motel works as I am English and have never been to America. Once again sorry about the long wait :) IceTrekkie**


	6. Chapter 6

**SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY FOR THE DELAY I JUST HAD A HUGE CASE OF WRITERS BLOCK BUT THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED ALREAD AND PLEASE KEEP IT UP AND I WILL DO A QUICK UPDATE IF I GET LOADS OF THEM. SORRY SORRY SORRY AGAIN. IceTrekkie**

Tony groaned as the world shifted before his eyes and far too bright lights danced around his vision to the accompaniment lay on by his throbbing head. He grimaced as his surroundings came into focus. The distinctive smell of damp reached his nostrils and he sighed heavily as his eyes sought out the dirty mattress he had been passed out on. The small clock on the wall indicated it was just gone six in the morning and light was filtering through the broken blind.

'How much did I drink last night?' he thought rubbing his temple 'I don't remember anything after finding my car….' Annoyed but beaten he pulled himself to his feet so he could get to the bath room, and try to improve his appearance. 'There is no chance I am getting back to my apartment before I have to be at work' he thought.

Just a few walls away Ziva was already awake sitting with her back to the bed. She was staring out the window as she rubbed her stomach enjoying the feel of her baby moving beneath her touch. She had been up since 4:30 with very early morning sickness in a way it was helpful in getting her up as she had the early shift at the diner which she was about to leave for but it was in no way pleasant.

'And' she thought 'I really could have used a few more hours sleep' she glanced down at her ever growing stomach

"You're just a mischief maker" she said teasingly "Or is it trouble?" she wondered "Either way" she smiled "We must get moving, to work". She stood up as quickly as she could in her condition and barely looked at her reflection before leaving her room. A half smile graced her face and it felt foreign but the little life inside of her just made her feel like there was hope, like she was needed for something.

Tony stumbled towards the front desk and with a wince rang the bell. A man appeared looking displeased.

"I see you have recovered from last night" he stated dryly, Tony looked down at the floor. The man picked up his register book and read Tony the price of his room.

"Thank You for er putting me up last night" he said quietly, the man merely grunted. "Do you know if there's a place I can get some breakfast?"

"There's a small diner at the end of the street" the man said boredly as if he had been asked that question a hundred times. Tony paid him as quickly as possible. He was glad he still had it on him as his wallet was one of the first things he had expected to have gone missing if he had passed out in some rickety motel in downtown DC. As he left the motel a bitter wind greeted him and while it woke him up it did nothing to clear his throbbing head. He could see the diner the man had told him about on the corner of the street and he quickened his pace trying to ward off the cold.

Ziva was sitting on a stool in the kitchen of the diner waiting for Tyler to arrive as he was uncharacteristically late. She had already put out the open sign but John was not due to start work until 10am she hoped Tyler would be there soon as it would be difficult manning the fort by herself.

'Manning the fort' she though absentmindedly 'Yes I think that's correct' she smirked 'I can only imagine Tony's astonishment if he had' her thoughts hit a brick wall and the painful memories resurface in a flash.

'NO' she thought firmly 'This is a new beginning, it is not productive to linger on old memories' She turned her full attention onto the till and counting out the float but deep down she could still feel the longing for her old life. The tinkle from the bell above the door broke her out of her concentration and she looked over the counter expecting to see Tyler or even John but definitely not the man who had appeared and was walking over to a booth. In a flash that her old Mossad brain would've been proud of, she slipped down onto the floor hiding behind the counter. Her heart started racing and she could feel her breakfast threatening to come up for a second time that morning.

"Is there anyone back there?" His voice had always sounded melodious but it seemed even more beautiful now than it had before.

"One moment" she called back, trying her hardest to sound nothing like her usual voice.

'This is stupid' she thought 'This is Tony your old friend pull yourself apart!' She gripped the edge of the counter and slowly hoisted herself up. Tony was engrossed in a menu and did not see her approach. Trying not to shake her pad too much she asked in a shaky voice

"What can I get you?" she saw Tony's shoulders freeze as he slowly turned his head towards her.

'It can't be' he thought but as green eyes met chocolate brown Tony's jaw dropped.

"Ziva?" he gaped. She stared at him unable to look away and a second later she was engulfed in a strong hug but found herself unable to respond, instead it seemed tears were pricking at the backs of her eyes. She stood awkward and stiff and Tony picked up on this and retracted himself but did not sit back down.

"Tony" she acknowledged and Tony looked at her realising that her walls had gone up and it scared him as he hadn't seen that since she first started at NCIS. He also realised that she had a protruding bump from her stomach.

"Wow" he said "You look great" This was a blatant lie and Ziva raised her eyebrows as she saw straight through it. She was in clothes that previous motel guests had left behind, her face and most of her body was shrunken and dark circles coated underneath her eyes.

"What can I get you?" she repeated trying to keep communication to a minimum. Tony felt anger ignite inside of him but he reigned it in. 'Why was she being like this?'

" A coffee and a conversation please" she looked up into his eyes prepared to tell him coffee was all he would be getting but, despite the amount of time which had passed since she last had seen them, they still had an enormous power over her. She nodded curtly and walked to the counter.

Tony let out a deep breath. He didn't know what he had expected when he finally found Ziva but it wasn't this. She had always been so resilient and now she looked empty and broken, a mere shell of the woman she had once been and it chilled him to the core. It seemed like an age until she returned to his table when it was really only two minutes until she sat opposite him but refused to meet his eyes.

"So" he said trying to get pass the awkwardness in the room. "How've you been?"

"Fine" was the short answer. It was Tony's turn to raise his eyebrows "I have been surviving"

"And when did this" he gestured to her stomach "happen?" he sensed her reluctance to answer that question rather than saw it. She took a deep breath

"Somalia" The silence was deafening and consumed the small diner. She carried on looking at the floor and he could make out an ashamed look on her face. Anger coursed through Tony and it was soon stirring up full blown rage. Saleem deserved a lot more than a bullet to his head. He jumped to his feet shaking from head to toe and aimed a kick at the nearest table sending it skidding across the room into another table.

'It wasn't enough' Tony thought desperately and picked up a chair and threw that too enjoying the satisfying clatter it made when it came into contact with the table. A whimper startled him from his rage and he saw Ziva shaking holding her head in a protective measure. In an instant all his rage departed and he nearly tripped over his own feet trying to get to her. His heart broke when she flinched away but he slowed slightly as he put his arms around her. He didn't care how nervous this made her feel; she had to know that he was not a threat.

"Ziva" he said softly "Zee come on I'm not going to hurt you I'm just so angry at"

"Don't say his name" Ziva rasped with a surprising amount of force for a woman in tears.

"Why didn't you find me when you found out?"

"Like you would have cared" she said bitterly "You made it quite clear you wanted nothing to do with me before I left NCIS"

"Ziva I care" she hiccupped "I do honestly, more than you would ever know" he said quietly as he continued to rock her soothingly. He placed a kiss to her temple

"I wish you had come to me, or to Gibbs, anyone"

"I no longer felt welcome at NCIS"

"We're your family we'll always welcome you, where are you staying?"

"The motel on the corner of the road" Tony shuddered "Not anymore you can come home with me"

"No I can stand on my own two feet now" she said firmly through her tear streaked face.

"I know you're a strong, independent woman but just let me help you, please" It almost sounded like he was begging with his final plea.

"Why would you want to help me after all I accused you of?"

"I'm over that" he said easily "I can't live without you, this is the second time I've tried and it still hasn't worked" he drew her closer "and there's something I haven't told you" he said quietly. Ziva looked up warily through her tears.

"What?"

'Best just get it out' Tony thought "I'm in love with you and I have been for years" Ziva blinked and stared, then shook her head.

"You cannot love me" she stated blankly "I am not capable of being loved, I am damaged goods" Vance's blunt words flashed back into her mind with a scary force.

"Don't you ever say that" snapped Tony seeing alarm in her eyes he softened his voice "You are everything to me" and with that he lowered his lips to hers in a gentle kiss and felt elated when she responded.

From outside Tyler looked in and saw the couple huddled on the floor. He had seen the entire exchange and smirked. While this did complicate things he now got the pleasure of taking down the girl and her lover.

'This is going to be fun' he thought before entering the diner slowly, gun concealed under his long coat.

**Please review or PM me! I hope the characters stayed in characters **


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm very sorry for the long wait but family stuff has taken over as my Granddad has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and he's been in and out of hospital, as well as all the pressure on me with exams as I have my first set of mocks in four weeks and a Physics resit in three weeks. Everything's been so hectic I cannot continue with regular updates but I won't abandon the story. Please keep reviewing because it gives me something to look forward to. **

**IcTr **

Tyler converged on the diner and slammed the door open with a surprising amount of force. The couple on the floor jumped and the woman made a struggle to get up.

"What happened here?" Tyler asked with an almost overacted air of surprise. Tony was far too nervous to notice and looked around guiltily at the mess of a diner.

"Ziva are you ok?" Tyler asked feigning concern.

"Yes, it was a slight misunderstanding he was not actually aiming at me" she smiled slightly

"If you're sure" he shrugged. Tony felt a stab of annoyance towards the newcomer.

'How dare he make such assumptions about me' Tony thought. Ziva seemed to have picked up on this in a way only she could, and she lowered her voice so only he could hear.

"Well what do you think it looks like then?" she whispered with raised eyebrows. A sheepish look spanned the length of Tony's face and he drew her into his arms for a brief but heartfelt hug.

"Introductions, Ziva?" Tyler interrupted pausing in his reconstruction off the tables Tony had previously knocked over.

"Of course" she said pulling out of Tony's arms "Tyler this is Anthony DiNozzo my, boyfriend, Anthony DiNozzo this is Tyler who works here with me"  
>Tyler held out a stiff hand which Tony gripped hesitantly and something unspoken passed between them. Tony's gut was screaming at him that there was something not quite right about this man.<p>

"Nice to meet you" Tony said stiffly but with a smile

"Likewise" The air suddenly grew very tense and it seemed no one knew what to say. Tony was torn half of him was weary of Tyler, he seemed a shifty character but the other half was jumping up and down in joy as Ziva had just called him her boyfriend. Later on he was sure he would think of it as a juvenile thing to feel just because of what she said but at that moment he was basking in it.

'Perfect' Tyler thought 'They are right where I want them trusting and vulnerable'

"I'm going to get some coffee" Tyler said breaking the silence "Do you need a refill"

"I'm fine thanks" Tony mumbled. Ziva's eyebrows lowered.

'He could at least make an effort' she thought

"A tea would be nice please" she replied

"Certainly" Tyler said sloping into the kitchen. Tony's stomach shifted was it just him or was there something a little off about Tyler. He shook himself out of his thoughts as he noticed Ziva tense and sit down.

"What's wrong?" he rushed to her side almost tripping over his own feet. Ziva chuckled lightly.

"Do not worry the baby is just moving" she smiled. Tony saw a small light cross over her face and it was though someone had lit a small flame in her eyes and he realised that the baby was probably the only reason she was still here. The thought of Ziva trying to end her life sent chills through him and he silently thanked whatever higher power that was above or below him that kept bringing them back to each other.

"Can I?" he gestured with his hands and she nodded. She picked up his hands and lifted them to the top of her bump and he felt what he could only describe as amazing. He swallowed as he felt the baby move beneath his touch.

"It's really there"

"That is what I keep telling myself" She chuckled lightly

"It's beautiful" he whispered and Ziva smiled.

'There go my insides' she thought as they went all light at the sound of his tender voice.

Tyler observed the scene from behind the counter and growled low in his throat.

'She does not deserve this happiness' he thought furiously and he reached inside his pocket for his gun carefully aiming over the counter. He saw her smile and Tony's loving hand on her stomach as he reached for her other hand with his free hand. The sight only served to aggravate him more and stoke the fire which was his hatred for the Israeli traitor. With a skilled hand he released the safety catch silently and inched his finger towards the trigger his hatred running rampant throughout his body.

A sudden tinkling broke the vast silence and all three turned to see the door opened. It was John. Tyler cursed aloud and quickly pocketed his gun.

"Are you alright back there?" Ziva called out

"Yeah just spilt some tea" he muttered 'Like you'd care bitch' he thought frustrated with John for his awful timing.

"Good Morning Ziva" he greeted cheerfully and the paused taking in the man standing next to her. "Who's this?" he asked, not unkindly but in a wary manner.

"John this is Tony my partner, Tony my boss" John shook Tony's hand warmly

"Pleased to meet you" he smiled "Is everything ok here?" he asked more to Ziva than Tony but unlike when Tyler said it, John was more of a caring parent than nosy stranger. Ziva nodded

"Good" he said "I'm glad things are on track for the both of you" Tony nodded appreciatively.

"I'm just glad I found her" Tony replied, and indeed he was. If he hadn't found her his life would've most likely continued to head downhill with great speed.

"Ziva will you be taking the day off today?" John smiled at Ziva.

Ziva stuttered "Day off?"

"Well you must have a lot to sort out"

"Well yes but if you need me"

"Nonsense" John cut her off "Take the day off and we'll discuss everything else later, I'm sure Tyler won't mind taking your shift as we are not flooded with customers"

Ziva sighed and gave in, nodding she said "I'll just get my coat"

Behind the counter Tyler was cursing the turn of events. All he wanted to do was kill the bitch and get it over with yet the world and his wife seemed intent on getting in the way.

"At least it doesn't matter how many others I take out along the way" he smiled "That Tony could easily go to" he watched as Tony put a strong arm around the back of the traitor Israeli and walk out. "Disgusting" he thought

"It's nice everything is working out for her isn't it" John said as he joined Tyler behind the counter

"What? Oh Yes" Tyler replied shortly having been shaken from his daze, he watched John fiddle about with the computer.

"I hope everything goes ok" John wittered on "but the man, Tony said Ziva would be staying with him and gave me the address" he flashed Tyler the piece of paper "Seems pretty permanent to me"

Tyler's eyes flashed with excitement as he memorised the address being input into the computer.

"This was going to be too easy to fix" he thought smugly as the weight of the gun in his pocket suddenly became more prominent.


	8. Next Chapter Is Here and Now Up!

**Well I'm back! I can't promise regular updates but I will try as best as I can. I hope I haven't lost too many readers in the long break and while I now am facing 17 exams (AHHH) I need a bit of a break! Hope you enjoy! Hannah **

Tony held open the door to his apartment and gestured to Ziva for her to walk through. As he watched her he could barely believe how much she had changed, everything about her seemed different somehow, but her eyes had remained the same. Despite the obvious signs of sleep deprivation and stress her pregnancy had really made her glow, she was the definition of beautiful in his mind.

"Tony you are staring" Her voice cut through his thoughts and Tony shook his head.

"Sorry" he offered with very little sincerity. Ziva gave a half smile as he turned to shut the door.

'Still the same old Tony' she thought.

"Would you like a drink?" Tony asked

"That would be nice" Tony made a small noise of acknowledgement and moved into the kitchen as Ziva walked into the living area. The awkwardness of the atmosphere in the room was tangible and unsettling. Deep down Ziva knew she had this conversation coming where she would have to try and tell Tony everything but she was afraid. She wouldn't admit this to herself very often but the thought of losing Tony was unbearable and this only scared her more.

"Herbal tea" Tony stated as he passed her the mug.

"Thank you" she accepted as he sat down. The silence filled the air around them and Ziva knew it was coming, the dreaded question"

"Ziva?" and there it was. "What the hell happened, honestly?"

"I told you at the diner" she almost whispered

"Oh come on Ziva that was not the whole picture" Tony's voice grew louder "I want to trust you again, I want my partner back"

"You want to know about Somalia" her voice was almost a whisper compared to his.

"Yes" he uttered.

"You know how I got there, the murders I will carry with me" she whispered "but my actual time there is becoming a blur" she paused gathering herself together "At first I was hopeful of rescue from my father, after swearing my loyalty to him, I did not think that he would leave his last child in the desert with a group of terrorists" her voice broke and Tony moved as if to comfort her but she shied away. If she was to get through this it had to be on her own, she wanted to remind herself of her strength.

"The days started to blur into weeks and the pain was the only constant in my life, in the end I stopped feeling" she shook her head in disbelief "I let myself become so weak" she paused again to let her word sink into her own brain and she met Tony's eyes.

" I honestly do not remember the creation of my child" she subconsciously touched her stomach and felt an internal warmth at 'her child' something she thought she would never feel. "That" she said darkly "was not a regular occurrence it was beatings and" her voice broke again and a tear fell loose "the taunts that got to me, they made me realise how worthless I was, how I had no one, how no one cared about me and how everything that was happening to me was my fault, I was useful to no one" The tears were falling thick now but Tony did not make another move understanding her need to get this out.

"At first they just wanted information but after I wouldn't talk they were only interested in breaking me, I was little more than a plaything and in the end I was praying for death because it would have been easier" she paused again and wiped her face "If you hadn't found me I don't know what would have happened because they would not have killed me simply because that was all I desired in those final weeks"

Tony sat on the other end of the sofa shocked. He felt tears in his eyes at what she had, had to go through on her own, how she had wanted death.

"Ziva" he croaked as his voice had frozen "Ziva" he tried again clearer and took her hand "You are precious and so important to so many people" Ziva's tears came back and Tony shifted closer "If you had died I would have died with you" Tony's heartfelt confession was a shock to Ziva but not to Tony "I went to find you completely prepared to die as I thought you were already dead and I wasn't interested in a world without you, as silly as that sounds" he paused to draw breath and continued so she could not interrupt.

"At first it scared me the thought of just wanting one person in my life forever and by the time I had adjusted to that you were with, Rivkin" He stopped short to look at Ziva, knowing this was something else she had to get out.

"Michael was a mistake" she said firmly "When I got together with him I was insecure and weak, I just wanted someone to love me and he was there and I got attached but he betrayed me" she spat "like every other man in my life" Tony tightened his grip on her hand.

"Listen to me" he said "I will never betray you, I should never had left you in Israel and when you came back I should not have let you walk away from NCIS" Ziva let go of his hand and stood up violently

"But I should never have let it get that far" she shouted "I used to be strong and independent I never should have had to rely on a man for anything!" She was crying again but in anger. "It was my fault I brought this on myself because I was stupid" Tony stood up as well but her tirade continued "I was an idiot and much worse I was a coward" she spat out the last word practically hysterical.

"You are not a coward" Tony said calmly and went to draw her into his arms but she went to slap him away.

"Ziva calm down" he said quietly and firmly held her hands so he could get her into his arms and he held her there as she shook. "It's all over now" he soothed as she clung to him like a lifeline.

They stood there for what seemed like hours but as Ziva's tired legs began to buckle Tony led her towards the bedroom. He carefully laid her down on the bed and took off her shoes swatting away her hands as they went to help and gently tucked her in. Practically asleep she murmured as he went to turn the light off.

"Stay with me, please" Tony smiled even this little request was a big step for her

He laid down on top of the covers so he didn't crowd her and drew her into an embrace as she drifted back to sleep he whispered his reply into the darkness of the room.

"Always"

**Well hopefully I will be able to update soon as this wasn't very long but it seemed like a good place to end it, but if I could please have some lovely little reviews even if they are two words as anyone cane review **


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